When my friend asked me what to hang on a walll in his new apartment, I immediately thought of the taxidermied squirrel playing a tiny banjo I'd seen at a yard sale. But then I remembered I was supposed to be a functioning adult with taste, so I suggested a ceramic wall flower instead. "It's modern artwork," I explained, trying to sound like someone who knew about these things and hadn't just learned the term from a late-night infomercial. "Very chic wall art decor. The piece in question was a large, spiky black flower that looked like it had been plucked from the garden of the Addams Family. It was the kind of flower that would make Georgia O'Keeffe do a double-take and mutter, "Now, that's just showing off." He eyed it suspiciously. "It looks like it might come alive at night and try to strangle me in my sleep," he said. I nodded enthusiastically. "Exactly! It's edgy. It's dangerous. It's everything your boring white walls have been crying out for." As he reluctantly agreed to give the murderous-looking bloom a home, I couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. I had successfully steered a friend towards questionable decor choices, just like a real interior designer. My work here was done.